The Sport-Parent Paradox Less is More

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Founder of Growing Champions for Life, David helps sports parents and coaches incorporate positivity and persistence into their communication with the young athletes who count on their encouragement and guidance. An eight-time national water skiing champion, five-time national record holder in water ski jumping, former World Championship U.S. Water Ski Team coach, and proud professional sports parent, he understands first-hand the challenges and rewards of competition. His extensive experience as a corporate leadership coach for Nextel, Sprint, Allstate, Balfour Beatty, The Villages and other companies provides David with unique insight into the skills needed to excel in sports, business and life. He brings an athlete's discipline, a coach's inspiration, and a parent's practical experience to his mission to grow not just champion young athletes, but holistically well-rounded individuals equipped for lifelong excellence.

I was recently asked, In what way must the parents of athletically gifted children behave differently than the parents of average performing children? The implication was that if your child looks like the next Derek Jeter certainly your job must be taken more seriously and more effort must be exerted. After all, parents have a responsibility to help their kids get to the highest level of achievement possible and therefore, do whatever it takes.

I've come to believe the answer to this question and the assumption tied to it is far more paradoxical than what most parents guess.

It's true that the more competitive and ambitious the child, the more effort must be put into the logistical aspect of being a sports parent. There are more miles to drive, more practices to attend, more tournaments to afford, and more equipment to purchase. Unfortunately, the tendency is to also elevate performance expectations and increase the pressure to deliver that performance especially because of the enhanced investment being made. It's so common to see and hear the almost agent-like behavior of well-meaning parents as they coach, push, criticize, and manipulate their child's athletic career into shape.

In truth, these elevated parental expectations and increased performance pressures actually decrease the chances for an athlete of reaching his or her full potential, as well as maintaining a healthy perspective on life, family, and sport over the long haul. The irony is that, other than logistically speaking, less is more!

When the parents of athletically gifted children are able to increase their support without increasing their pressure to perform, a young athlete has an increased probability of achieving fearless and uninhibited play. When emotional support and unconditional love is abundant and given without a hint of disappointment or disapproval after a sub-par performance, an athlete's brain allows an athlete's body do what it does best perform!

Our job as parents, regardless of our child's potential, is to teach life lessons in such a way that instills confidence over fear, independence over dependence, responsibility instead of victimization, and a love for learning what works in life. Our young athletes will experience enough pressure from coaches, teammates, and from themselves without our help as overbearing parents. There must be one safe place where total acceptance is ever-present, with no strings attached. Home should be that place, where less is more.

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